I am mourning the passing of my beloved brother.
Below is his last article.
A few days ago I turned forty-five years old and there were moments, right after it happened, that my life seemed to play out in flashbacks. Now, technically speaking forty-five is really not that old at all. But when you’ve been sixteen and twenty-one and even thirty, boy does it feel as though life has sped up and the clock and your existence has started its inexorable winding down period.
And then there are the little things. Like waking up in the morning with aches and pains that weren’t there the night before. Just what did I do when I was sleeping that made me pull a hamstring?
Or strange lapses in memory. Sometimes I find myself telling a friend an anecdote and I lose the plot halfway through. Then, ten minutes later, after the subject has changed, I’ll remember where I was in the story but alas, the moment has passed.
And don’t get me started on music. I don’t know what the heck is going on with these kids today! Did I really just say that? I hear some of this stuff and it sounds as though it was made by robots. So I go back to my Elvis Presley records, and the Beatles, and Sinatra, and Pink Floyd and the world rights itself again. Wait a minute, did I say “records”? Man I am old. Most kids don’t even know what a record or an album, whichever you choose, even is.
But there are some wonderful things tied up in the process as well. A greater appreciation for family and friends. Memories that spring to mind like little gifts during the day. And perhaps most brilliant of all, watching all the kids grow up – be they my nieces and nephews or the children of my buddies.
No, it ain’t all gravy, but it’s also not quite as awful as I had feared it would be when that once dreaded birthday began to hunt me down earlier this year. There is still a bit of melancholy that arises from that question we all ask, “Where did the time go?” But I now prefer to think of it as time well spent. And it has been a pretty damn good time.
Now all I have to worry about is turning fifty. Oy vey!
In the accompanying picture, I am with my brother Matt and his best friend Mike. Both have passed and I treasure this picture.